Metalocalypse - Open Wounds
by BloodandRosePetals
Summary: No spoilers:)
1. Chapter 1

"Pickle?" asked Toki softly from across the table.

"What is it Toki?!" Pickles snapped. "Can't you see I'm in the middle of something?" Pickles and Skwisgaar had been arguing for the passed twenty minutes. Pickles was just about to the point of knocking the consciousness out of Skwisgaar. However, Skwisgaar was relaxed continuously playing his guitar with ease. But Toki could tell Skwisgaar was becoming frustrated.

"Nothin's..." Toki was actually wondering where Nathan had been. He hadn't shown up for the passed several meetings.

"Please, settle down," said Charles Ofdensen in a calm manner as always. "You can settle your differences after the meeting." After a few more moments of softened arguing, they did as were told. "But first we have to talk about the obvious. The next album will ship off tomorrow, but we'll need your approval on the album cover before shipping. However, to do so, Nathan also has to be here to sign. But as you can tell, he's late once again."

"I can gos and finds him!" volunteered an energetic Toki. He was now on a search for the missing Nathan Explosion. However, to Toki's disappointment of a non-adventure, Nathan was only in his room.

Nathan was lying in his bed facing away from the door.

"Hey, Na'tan?" asked Toki. "We haves meeting nows. We needs your opinion ons de album."

"Just tell them I said it's fine the way it is..." he mumbled wearily. Toki could see now that Nathan wasn't himself.

"What's wrongs?"

"Just leave me alone." Toki frowned.

"Yous not like this. Did somethings happens?"

"I said leave me alone..." he said more firm.

"Alrights...comes and talks to mes anytimes. Okay? I leaves yous alones now..." He walked out of the room with a heavy heart.

Almost down the hall, he heard Nathan's voice.

"Toki?" he called still sounding jaded. With quick steps, Toki returned. This time Nathan was sitting up in his bed with his eyes on the door. When Toki reached the door frame, their eyes locked.

"Yes, Na'tan?"

"Uuuh...you know how I feel about talking about my feelings." Nathan rubbed the back of his neck with tension. "But since it's just you, then it's okay, I guess..."

"Okay?"

"Well, you know, I want to find that one person that loves me for me. And I've been really depressed about it with me getting older, you know, and having not found her yet. I'm about to just give up."

"Yous will finds her one day. Yous almost dids many times before. Yous so close. Don't gives up now."

Nathan, now looking up at Toki, gave an inquisitive look. Then, his eyebrows dropped in ire.

"Don't say a word of this," Nathan Explosion warned, "or I'll strangle you in your sleep."

Toki grinned.

"I promise."

Toki was glad to help Nathan out with his love problem. That was just who Toki Wartooth was. And he was surely not going to tell anyone as Nathan warned. But it wasn't what Nathan had threatened to make him keep the secret. It was because Toki was smart enough to understand that having love issues wasn't 'brutal enough' as Nathan always said.

Just as Toki assured, a week later Nathan had chosen a girl. And Nathan appeared to be very happy with this one, too. However, as Nathan's happiness grew, so did Toki's sadness.

Toki had no idea why, but every time he saw them both together he was hit with negative emotions. He was becoming more and more confused and depressed each day.

"I just needs to finds my own girl," he told himself. "I want de sames love Na'tan has." Maybe that was all he needed. Or... "Maybes, it not ams girl I needs..." Toki had actually been feeling quite neglected by the band. Including Nathan. Maybe he just wanted to know for sure he cared about him. He needed to get Nathan's attention somehow. But how was he to do that?

Toki proceeded into the kitchen and opened a full bottle of vodka.


	2. Chapter 2

Toki sucked down the entire bottle of vodka that night. And the next day, Toki had a different drink in his hand. He sat slouching on the couch next to Pickles holding a dazed look at the TV.

"Toki?" Pickles said suspiciously. "Is that my Bourbon?"

"Calms downs! Its just ams little drink..." He took the last swig from the bottle.

"You're drunk."

"What?! Yous not drunk, I'm drunk!" The bottle slipped from his fingers. "I means, you-yous...I...never mind-where my drink go?..." With a blurry upper stare at Pickles, Toki saw his empty bottle in the palm of his hand.

"Gives it backs, Pickle..." Toki reached for it weakly.

"It's empty, Toki."

"Fines then!" He climbed slowly to his feet, "Is go gets another one!" and stumbled into the kitchen.

After grabbing another bottle of alcohol, he noticed through drunken eyes Nathan standing in the doorway.

"You haven't been to practice in a couple days," Nathan complained. "What's the deal?"

"Nothin's..."

"Uh, is that Pickles liquor?"

"...Nothin's..."

"Toki." Nathan got a little closer. "Put the bottle back and go lay down. You need to be sober to play."

"...No."

Nathan grew angry fast.

"Don't make me kill you," he threatened. "Because I will." Toki gazed at the irritated Nathan Explosion for a few short moments.

"What ifs I don't wants to?"

Nathan said without emotion, "I'll kick you out of the band."

A tear had formed in Toki's eye and rolled down his cheek before he knew it. With a heavy heart, he threw the full bottle of alcohol at Nathan's feet.

"Fine!" shouted the heart broken Toki angrier than ever before. As quickly as he could, he stumbled his way out of the kitchen and up to his room.

"I knews he didn't cares about me..." Toki said to no one currently rocking himself gently on his bed trying not to vomit. But the rocking wasn't helping. He rushed to the bathroom and just barely made it to the toilet. He didn't even have time to adjust himself on the floor.

Many tears fell as he wept in between breaths.

A mysterious hand pulled his hair back away from his face. Most likely it belonged to Pickles. After a few minutes of his sick moment, Toki could finally catch a quivering breath.

"When I was little boy," Toki began to explain to Pickles in a shaky tone, "I hads no company. No friends. My parents hated and abused me. De band is all I haves now. But nones of yous cares about me, either. I thought at least Na'tan dids. But I guess I was wrongs about all ofs yous."

Instead of hearing Pickles North Mideastern accent, Toki heard a much deeper familiar voice.

"I do care about you, Toki," said Nathan who had knelt down beside him. Toki slowly looked over at him. "I always did." Toki wiped his mouth and grinned. "Is that why you'd been drinking like this?"

"I just wanted to knows for sure ifs I meant anythings to yous."

"You know...you could have just asked and I would have been honest." Toki stared for a moment, then turned back in front of him.

Toki said shaking his head, "Damn it." Then, vomited some more.


	3. Chapter 3

The hangover was brutal. Toki had never drank that much in his life. And from all that drinking, he was surprised he hadn't slipped into a diabetic coma. Even though he could have just asked and he wouldn't have had to go through such hell...he knew now that Nathan cared.

After about two hours of suffering, Toki climbed from his bed and sat at his work desk where he spent most of his spare time building model planes.

"How coulds I not thinks he cared?" Toki laughed at himself. "Just overreacting..." He took some glue and stuck two matching pieces of the planes wing together, then attached it to the body.

"Just overreacting..." he repeated. Attempting to attach the other wing, he had much trouble.

Toki sighed.

"Overreacting..." Then, he thought about it. Why did he even care so much to begin with?

Sighing again, he put the plane down and went downstairs. There sitting on the couch was Nathan. And his girlfriend.

Trying to smile, somehow Toki could not. He could feel the negativity all over again. The depression washed over him so quickly, he became increasingly nauseated and tearful.

"Stops it, Toki!" he whispered angrily to himself. "What is wrongs with yous?" He forced on a small grin and walked over.

"Hey, Na'tan," he said as happily as he could, but not by much. Nathan replied with a simple, "Hey," back. Toki looked over at his girl. She had her arms crossed and held a stoic stare at Toki. "I'm sorry, but I nevers got your name?"

"Lilith," she replied in monotone. Her voice was sort of gravely and sounded slightly agitated.

Nathan got up from the couch and left the room for an unknown amount of time leaving them both utterly alone.

"Nathan told me a lot about his band mates. You must be Toki Wartooth. The backup guitarist?"

"Rhythm guitarist, actually..."

"Sure, whatever...But you're not the fastest guitarist. Right?" Toki's face puzzled.

"Well, not exactly-"

"Skwisgaar is the fastest guitarist in the world. Am I wrong?" His eyes narrowed.

"Yous not wrong, but I ams pretty goods too-"

"Not better than Skwisgaar." Toki could now see what she was doing. Trying to only entice Toki. "You come second to the greatest guitarist in the world. With that being said, you are only a shadow compared to Skwisgaar." Toki closed his fists tightly from irritation. "I know you still remember that guitar battle you lost trying to get into the band. Nathan was so disappointed..."

"If yous tryings to start something, it's not working." She smirked. Before she could say anymore, Toki left the room as calmly as he could. Nathan returned not too long after he had gone.

"I left because I thought it would be awkward to stay," explained Nathan Explosion. "Did you guys talk?"

"Yes, we did. He's...interesting."

"Interesting?" Toki said to himself eavesdropping around the corner. "What is that supposed to mean?"

* * *

Stroking Deady Bear's head gingerly, he glanced at his unfinished plane. He got up from his bed planning to continue working on the unfinished plane, but then glimpsed over at his guitar.

"Whatever," he said to the air. "I ams goods enough."

"How do I puts this?" said Skwisgaar's voice sounding in Toki's head. "I ams more gooders than you."

"Shut up..." His legs became rubber weighing more than before. He sat back down from loss of breath. Toki was becoming more and more enraged by the second.

Lilith had actually gotten into his head, he realized now.

"...better than you..." her voice seemed to breathe in his head. "...guitar battle you lost..."

"Calms downs, Toki. Yous are goods enough-"

"...messed up..." said the phantom voice of Nathan. His voice echoed in his brain bouncing off the walls of his skull. "...on the last part..."

Something happened to Toki just then. Something was wrong...

Toki got up from his bed. Walked to Skwisgaar's room with his guitar firmly in his hand. And uttered in a deep unnerving tone, "We haves guitar battle rematch." Before Skwisgaar could say one criticizing word, Toki growled, "NOW."

Skwisgaar gave a very confused expression at first. Then, recognized the problem.

Toki had snapped.


	4. Chapter 4

Skwisgaar and Toki had both arrived in the studio with their guitars ready in hand. All his band mates had been called in and were sitting ready to watch the show.

"Remembers, this is yous idea," uttered Skwisgaar. "Don't gets mad at me when yous fails." Toki gritted his teeth in ire.

Skwisgaar started off the song. His fingers glided along the strings as they had done many times before hitting every note perfectly. Toki's licks had fallen right beside his in quality as his fingers strummed as quickly as they could. Faster and louder they both played as they raced to the finish line.

A flashback appeared just then in Toki's mind. It was the first audition guitar battle. He was young, had short hair, his old peasant clothes were torn and dirty. Skwisgaar stood before him playing like a god in all his glory. He was in the lead and wasn't giving up. Toki had already become exhausted and was lagging behind. With no more energy, he fell to his knees defeated. Toki actually couldn't believe he lost. He gave an upward glance at Skwisgaar; his self-righteousness burned into Toki's soul and the phantom disappointed voice of Nathan echoed in his mind once again.

Toki looked at the now much older but unchanged Skwisgaar and hollered, "I will not lose to yous again!"

Toki had made it to the last part of the solo. And he played, this time, unlike ever before.

At first he started out slow, then his fingers flew faster and faster as they strummed and flicked the chords like nothing. Even more quickly now, the pitch escalated higher and higher the faster he went. The shocked faces of his band mates blurred into visions of swirled colors. The visions in his head became full of life and color and full of emotion as they did quite often. In his mind, he was up on the pedestal this time, not Skwisgaar, playing to his hearts content. He could feel himself lifting off the ground as his body got lighter. The otherworldly rhythm seemed to be surging its way from his fast-beating heart to his fingertips.

Finally, Toki's fingers could do no more.

Toki gave one last stroke and held it as well as he could. And as he did, the impulses from Toki's guitar were so strong, the amps on both sides of him short-circuited and caught fire giving off an almost special effect feel.

Toki took in a huge breath when he realized he hadn't been breathing the entire time. When he looked up, he saw something he thought he never would see. The look of astonishment. Skwisgaar seemed to be the most surprised.

"Yous did it," he forced himself to say still in shock. "You..." He couldn't force himself enough to say it. Skwisgaar Skwigelf, the fastest guitarist in the world, had been beaten.

Toki couldn't help but to smile. He had accomplished something no one else ever could. And despite Lilith for only trying to do harm, Toki could only thank her.

Trying desperately to get angry, he couldn't. Skwisgaar had grown fond of Toki throughout the years. And seeing now he could reach higher than Skwisgaar could have ever reached, he oddly enough was not angry. Yet, he had a new found respect. For the first time between the both of them, Skwisgaar gave him a brotherly embrace.

* * *

The large TV had been turned off in the lounge area. Creeks and small noises echoed through the silence of Mordhaus. The only sound that could be heard was Toki's unplugged guitar playing as he practiced for the first time in awhile.

"I don't gets it," he told Lilith still strumming. "Why dids yous push me like that?"

"Well," Lilith began, "from what I've seen from the weeks that I've been here, despite your past, you seem very innocent. Skwisgaar walks all over you and you don't stand up for yourself. But the big part of this was that you also had held some sort of resentment toward Nathan from your loss long ago because of what he said about you. But you never speak up and you needed help. So, I had to step in and help somehow."

Toki stopped playing and looked at her. Her dark eyes seemed lighter than before.

Maybe that was why Toki had felt so much negativity toward Nathan lately. It happened so long ago, he must have suppressed the emotions he felt to hide the fact that Nathan had disapproved of him in his loss.

"Do yous thinks Na'tan approves of me now?"

"I don't know. How about you ask him yourself."

Seeming to have appeared out of nowhere, Nathan came up behind Lilith and he put a hand on her shoulder. She grinned and gladly left the room to their privacy. Alone now, Nathan and Toki sat on the couch in silence.

Just when Toki was about to ask, Nathan stopped him.

"First, I got to say that was incredible," he congratulated in his trademark stoic tone of voice. "You really blew us away. Uuuh, not to sound like an asshole, but I thought you'd never be able to reach Skwisgaar's level."

"I didn't, either."

"You really did show us tonight and proved us wrong. But this wasn't all for me, was it?"

"Uh..."

Nathan sighed.

"I care about you. A lot. And you know how much I hate talking about my feelings." He rubbed the back of his neck in discomfort. "So, you get the idea. What more do you want?"

"I ams not really sure..." Looking deeply into Nathan's eyes, he felt happy. Happier than ever. The negativity he felt toward Nathan was gone. Maybe that was all he really needed. Closure from the past. Nathan began speaking again, but Toki couldn't grasp what he was saying because his mind began to wander. For some reason, everything around them became hazy. Toki looked closer at Nathan focusing on more than just his eyes. From the way his mouth moved when he spoke to the way his voice spoke each word, Toki felt somewhat wanting to get closer to him. Gazing deeper into his emerald green eyes, he wanted so badly to...

Toki winced and put his face in his hands.

"What's wrong?" Nathan asked very confused.

"Nothin's! Just, uh—I really needs to gos lay down..." He left Nathan in a hurry to his room without even grabbing his guitar.

Once in his bedroom, he shut and locked the door away from the rest of Mordhaus and the world.

"Gets yourself togethers, Toki..." His voice shook slightly. "...What is wrong with yous?" He tried to shake the thought away, but couldn't.

For the rest of the night, he held Deady Bear as tightly as he could wishing he never had such a horrifying thought...


	5. Chapter 5

The next day for Toki was agonizing. He couldn't look at Nathan for fears of thinking the horrible thought he had the day before. Toki kept his eyes on the floor throughout the entire afternoon.

Toki felt it had become necessary to carry Deady Bear around. He really needed the comfort.

A few times he became eased enough to finally look up at Nathan. Each time he did, he caught a glimpse of his beautiful eyes and felt butterflies in his stomach. Then, he became ashamed of himself.

That night, he had a dream. It was normal at first; one of his floating dreams. He was floating in the vastness of a technicolor space-like place. Mostly fuchsias and purples. Indigos and reds here and there. The beautiful universe spun around him in a show-off kind of manner. As it spun, a dark figure appeared in the far distance seeming to be spinning along with the rest of the atmosphere. When he turned to see where the dark figure had gone, there only a foot away from him was Nathan. This time, Toki wasn't scared to look.

"Na'tan?" Toki asked surprised. Nathan's eyes seemed to shine more beautiful than before. He stroked Toki's cheek with the back of his hand.

"I have a question." Nathan's voice was a bit softer and sounded very alluring.

"Yes," Toki answered, already knowing what the question was. Toki's stomach had butterflies again. Nathan got closer and so did he. As they did, Toki began to shake from nervousness. Just as their lips were about to meet, Toki awoke in a cold sweat.

He tried breathing slowly to try and relax himself, but it wasn't working.

Just scream and lets it out, Toki thought.

He let out a loud yell and forced the feelings of confusion, passion, and terror to escape him.

"What is wrongs with yous, Toki?!" Out of spite, he slapped himself as hard as he could in the face. "You needs to stop this! Whatever this is, just stop it!"

He stayed awake as long as he could before crying himself back to sleep.

* * *

Toki yawned for the forth time that morning. He sat cross-legged on the couch next to Pickles. Rubbing the sleep from his drooping eyes, he rested his weary head on that of Deady Bear's.

"Can I ask a question?" said Pickles sounding confused. "Why are you carrying Deady Bear around? He never leaves your room."

"No reason," he lied. "I...hads nightmare."

"Oh, what about?" He took a sip of coffee.

"Um..." Toki gazed over at the kitchen. "It's nothin..."

Pickles looked across the room suspicious as to where he had been looking and saw Nathan talking with a Klokateer in the cooking area.

"So, that dream of yours. Must have been a pretty bad dream. You don't look too good there, Toki." He was right. Toki didn't look good at all. He had bags under his eyes, was a bit pale in the face, and was holding so tightly onto his bear he looked like he'd seen a ghost.

Toki hugged his bear tighter. "What did you dream about?"

"No one—I mean, nothin! I—stop asking me! I'm okay..." Toki stood and left the room.

Pickles suspicion grew even more. Toki had never acted that way before. And from Pickles small suspicion, the reason of Toki's discomfort was directed toward Nathan. Pickles' curiosity got the better of him and he confronted Nathan in the kitchen about his sudden intuitions.

"Hey, uh, Nathan? Can I talk to you about something?"

"What is it?"

"You've noticed how Toki has been acting kind of strange lately, right?"

"Yeah. I have. He hasn't talked to me in days...What's wrong with the guy?"

"I'm pretty sure it has to do with he's been having nightmares. And I've been thinking they were about you."

"Me? What did I do?"

"I don't know. Probably nothing. Maybe you should go talk to him yourself." Nathan sighed a little irritated he had to take time out of his day. But had agreed.

Toki was currently pacing up in his room still holding onto Deady Bear for dear life.

"Stop it, Toki...Gets your mind clear. Thinks about somethings else...Please..." His pacing turned into mindless traipsing around the room. "...Why dos yous thinks this way? Why, Toki? Why?...Why..." He turned around. There stood Nathan in the doorway.

"Uh, Toki? Are you okay?" Toki had the look of sudden fear as he backed away from the door not wanting to look at him. Trying so desperately not to look up... "Toki?"

"Gos away..."

"Toki. Look at me." Toki's breathing became erratic. "I'm not going to ask again." He took his glance slowly from the floor to Nathan's feet, then up to his chest and stopped. Nathan asked again in a more forceful tone. Toki, unwillingly, forced his gaze to go up further. Once their eyes locked, his heart sped up to a million miles an hour wanting so badly to pound out of his chest and couldn't stop himself from ogling. "Why are you acting this way?"

"Nothin..."

"Don't give me that shit." Toki's stomach dropped.

"I just beens feeling..." His voice was cracking as he tried to choke back the sobs. "...weird lately..."

"Pickles told me you had been having nightmares. About me, I'm guessing? I'm only saying that because you're cowering away from me like I'd done something." He didn't respond. "What happened in the dreams that make you act like this? How do they make you feel exactly?"

"Like...well, uh...I get happy to see you at first. But then I feels like crying...I feels nauseated...I wants to slit my wrists in a bathtub..." Nathan's eyes widened. After trying so hard, Toki couldn't hold back the tears anymore. After giving it some thought, Nathan stepped forward. Toki tried to shrink back but Nathan already had his arms around him.

The butterflies returned.

Toki's fear and confusion had finally settled. Resting his head on his muscled chest, the emotions had let go allowing his mind to wander wherever it pleased. Toki finally understood what the thoughts he had been feeling were about. He did not want for the life of him to admit it, but he knew he would feel better if he did.

Toki had felt sexually allured to Nathan.

Finally admitting it to himself, he could breathe a little easier.


End file.
